Pain has many forms
by AineRose
Summary: Oz needs Cordelia, especially when things are worse than they look. Warning:Angsty;deals with death,drugs.
1. Bronzing

Disclaimer: this isn't mine. *wipes away tear*  
  
Pairing: C/X (eventually) W/O (eventually) B/A C/O (friendship)  
  
Spoilers: Takes place just after Lovers' Walk.  
  
Summary: Hmm, lets see. Oz needs Cordelia, especially when things are worse than they look. Faith was never evil. Oz never went with Cordelia to the hospital. Buffy and Angel are just 'friends' *grumble*  
  
Tell me if you like it. This is my first Buffy fic that isn't a x-over. I know the first chapter is short. There might be a long time between updates. I need a lot of reviews to keep going.  
  
PS my computers wonky and italics don't work (aargh!) Sorry if it's a bit hard to follow.  
  
And so, on with the story..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was a normal night for the people of Sunnydale. The teenagers were Bronzing, the adults were lecturing and the vampires were killing. Actually, scrap that, the vampires were *trying* to kill, a task made increasingly difficult by one Buffy Summers. Luckily for the vampires, Buffy and her fellow slayer Faith were finished patrolling for the night and had joined the other alive teenagers of the town in dancing and chatting in the Bronze.  
  
Buffy had joined her best friend Willow Rosenberg at their table, half an hour before they were due to meet the others, to engage in some serious girl talk. Right now, the topic was Willow's crumbling love life. After she and her best friend Xander had been caught making out by Cordelia and Oz, Oz had dumped her. she had tried to talk to him but he told her he needed time.  
  
"I really miss him, Buff. I keep thinking about how stupid I am. I mean I love him and I went off with Xander and now he hates me." Willow buried her head in her hands.  
  
Buffy patted her hand. "Don't worry, Will. He just needs time. He'll be back soon."  
  
Willow lifted her head, "You think."  
  
Buffy raised an eyebrow, "I don't think, Will. You should know that by now." Willow giggled.  
  
They were interrupted by Cordelia, who stalked over angrily. She had been talking to Harmony and spent her time floating between the two of them, not able to decide who she wanted to hang with. She shot a look at Willow and sat down.  
  
"How's your gut?" Buffy asked brightly, trying to make conversation. It didn't work, Cordelia just glared at her. After a minute she said,  
  
"I can't cheer for at least three weeks." Willow flinched in guilt. Angel came a second later and then Xander, Oz and Faith came retrospectively.  
  
The table was silent in awkward silence. Angel broke it. "Buffy, Faith, how was patrol?"  
  
Buffy massaged her shoulder. "Whole load of vamps. Nearly got creamed out there."  
  
Buffy saw Angel watching Oz and followed his gaze. He was slightly paler than usual and massaging his temples. "Hey Oz"  
  
He looked up.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Just got a headache."  
  
"Oh" She turned back to say something to Faith about the vampires in Weatherly Park. They started talking animatedly. Pretty soon, everyone was chatting.  
  
Then Oz collapsed. 


	2. Cordelia takes charge

Angel just managed to catch Oz as he fell to the floor and laid him down gently. Willow ran over to him. "Oh God! Oz?"  
  
She was pushed aside by Cordelia who ran up to him and checked his pulse. She paused for a minute and watched his face. He was pale and clammy and was sweating. She looked at Buffy.  
  
"Get Devon"  
  
Buffy didn't move. She didn't like taking orders. "Get Devon now!" Cordelia screamed. Buffy snapped into action. It wasn't everyday that Cordelia Chase acted so forcefully. She weaved through the crowds of dancers to find Devon.  
  
Cordelia started to shake Oz. He didn't respond. She felt tears well up in her eyes as the worst possible thought came to her mind.  
  
She put her hand in his jacket pocket. All that was there was his wallet. She checked his other pocket. Bingo. She pulled out two bottles of pills. She read the descriptions carefully. Aspirin. That was okay. She looked at the other one. Her eyes widened slightly.  
  
"What's wrong?" Faith asked. "You don't think he took--"  
  
Cordelia shook her head. "They're both full."  
  
Faith shrugged, "Still. It might be pretty powerful. What's in it?"  
  
"Aspirin."  
  
"And the other one?"  
  
Cordelia bit her lip. Faith looked worried.  
  
"Cordelia, what's in it?" she pressed. Cordelia showed her the bottle, taking care not to let Angel, Willow or Xander to see it. Faith's eyes widened.  
  
"They had me on that once." she said softly. She shook herself. "It's not powerful enough. Actually it is, but he only took a small dose, if any at all, by the looks of it."  
  
"Are you even sure he took something?" Xander asked.  
  
Cordelia didn't answer. "I sure as hell hope not." She pocketed the pills as Buffy came back with a very confused Devon. He caught sight of Oz and his expression changed from confusion to fear.  
  
"What the hell happened?"  
  
Cordelia took a step towards him. "He complained of a headache. Then he collapsed. All he's got on him is an aspirin and the usual May dosage."  
  
Everyone except Cordelia and Devon exchanged baffled looks.  
  
"What do you need me for, Cordy?"  
  
She looked at him angrily, "Don't play games with me, Dev. I'm not stupid. I'm angry and scared and I need to know. What. Did. He. Take?"  
  
Devon took a step back, "Nothing." Glancing at her expression he hastily continued, "I haven't seen him today. Plus, Mike doesn't buy until the end of the month. Anyway, I don't think Oz has taken anything since, you know.." he trailed off.  
  
"You don't think?" she said sarcastically.  
  
"Come on Cordy, you don't think I would let him take anything. You weren't the only one scared last time. He's too good a friend."  
  
Cordelia sighed. "He must of taken something. He never gets headaches like this. He's never collapsed before..." She paused.  
  
A terrified crossed her face and Devon's. she shook her head. "No" she said, her voice wavering. "No. He must have taken something. He had to have."  
  
"Hey" Angel broke the silence. "He's waking up."  
  
Cordelia walked over to Oz as his eyes opened slightly. He let out a low moan. His eyes took a minute to focus on Cordelia.  
  
She set her face on angry.  
  
Oz didn't realise.  
  
"So what exactly happened here cos, ya know, here I am on the floor and I'm thinking 'huh?'"  
  
Cordelia arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow at him and folded her arms.  
  
"We were hoping you were able to tell us." She kept her voice cool but Oz could see how pale her face was and her eyes were showing fear an possibly tears.  
  
He frowned slightly, trying to remember.  
  
Willow looked at him worriedly. "Are you okay?".  
  
He didn't answer. Cordelia snapped. She pulled him up by the shoulders.  
  
"What did you take?" she asked forcefully.  
  
Oz pulled away from her. "I didn't take anything" he said angrily. "How stupid do you think I am."  
  
She just looked at him but Oz got the message. He stood up quickly.  
  
"Thanks a lot, Cordelia. Nice to know you trust me."  
  
He wavered slightly. He placed a hand to his head and remembered why he had collapsed. He looked at them all. "I've just got a migraine, that's all. I'm fine."  
  
Cordelia bit her lip and looked at him guiltily. "I'm sorry. I just--"  
  
He cut her off. "I know. It's okay."  
  
He looked at them all. "I'm gonna go home."  
  
"I'll be fine." He looked pointedly at Cordelia and Devon.  
  
They nodded, although Cordelia looked pale enough to faint and Devon was looking pretty shaky. Oz paused to take a good look at Cordelia. She was definitely teary. Her hair was slightly messy, probably from running her hair through it. Her expression was completely unreadable. There was a bit of residual anger, sadness, resolve among other things.  
  
He swept out of the Bronze, desperately trying to ignore the pounding in his head. Despite what he had said, he had no intention of going home. He wanted to go somewhere quiet, peaceful.  
  
He drove for about ten minutes until he came to a stop at a small forest. He weaved through the trees in the darkness, keeping a god grip on his stake. After twenty minutes, he reached a clearing. There was no sounds- the forest was asleep. At the edge of a clearing, there was a cliff looking over Sunnydale.  
  
Oz curled up and sat at the edge of the cliff, reflecting. He stayed there until the pain in his head reached an all time high and he headed home.  
  
He didn't sleep that night. He couldn't find any aspirin and he had feeling he knew who had it. 


	3. Pills and Harmony

It was after second period when Oz made an appearance at school. He went straight to the library. Everyone turned to look at him when he entered.  
  
Buffy was the first to talk, "How are you feeling? You, uh, don't look so good."  
  
Oz didn't answer. He looked at Cordelia. "Give me my pills." She looked at him with confusion. Then her expression cleared.  
  
"Sorry" she mumbled. "I forgot to give them back."  
  
She was just about hand them to him when she paused. "Why didn't you tell me they were still dosing you?"  
  
"I didn't think you'd care." He said softly.  
  
She looked down, "I do care."  
  
He nodded. He looked at Giles. "Have you got any water?" Giles nodded and handed him a bottle and a glass. He looked at the two bottles of pills. He started to unscrew the aspirin but Cordelia stopped him.  
  
"They won't go away if you just ignore them." She said quietly. He paused and looked at the other bottle. He unscrewed the top and tipped two pills onto the palm of his hand.  
  
He stared at them for a few minutes. Faith spoke up. "Just one swallow and it'll be over." He looked at her.  
  
She shrugged. "I was on them for a while. Is this your first time taking them?"  
  
"First time this year?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"This is my third year. I don't need them but they think they work so every year they pump me full of more drugs." He explained shortly  
  
Faith shuddered. "I was only on them for a few months."  
  
"What are they for?" Wesley asked, angry that Faith knew something he didn't.  
  
Oz glanced at him. "Depression." He said simply, before putting them in his mouth. He gagged. Cordelia grabbed the water and handed it to him. He didn't do anything.  
  
"Come on, D-Oz. Swallow them" She pressed the water to his hand and he managed to take a gulp of it. He shook his head and shuddered. He rinsed his mouth out with the water and collapsed onto the nearest chair.  
  
Faith winced. Cordelia grabbed a bottle of grape juice from her bag and gave it to Oz. "It'll help wash down the pills." She told him.  
  
"I know how to take them, Cordelia." He said scathingly. "I've been taking them for two years without you." she flinched and looked upset.  
  
"Um, Oz?" Giles asked nervously. It wasn't everyday that Oz snapped.  
  
"Did you take any alcohol last night?" He rushed to continue. "I mean y- you're not supposed to t-take alcohol with drugs."  
  
"I didn't take anything at all. I've been doing this for long enough. And anyway, today is my first day."  
  
Buffy frowned, "Devon said he didn't see you yesterday. Where were you?"  
  
"That's my business, Buffy" she looked down. He sighed. "I had an appointment with the Guidance Counsellor and then I had to go and get my prescription filled."  
  
He looked at them all angrily. "Now, if you're all finished with the third degree, I have to go to class."  
  
He left an awkward silence behind him.  
  
Giles cleared his throat nervously. "Buffy, uh, how was patrol last night?"  
  
"Oh, I nearly forgot. There was a nest in Weatherly Park. They looked like they were gathering."  
  
"Really" said Giles, intrigued. "How fascinating. Ask Angel to get some information. You two girls should patrol around there tonight. Willow, could you look up anything related to the next few weeks on the computer? Prophesies and so forth. Could you all come here tonight just before sundown."  
  
Cordelia cleared her throat. "Um, I don't think I can come. I have to eat dinner with my parents. They're getting really suspicious of me coming in late."  
  
Giles nodded. "Well then. I believe you all have class to get to."  
  
Xander groaned.  
  
+ * * *  
  
"No way!" Harmony screeched.  
  
"Totally. It was definitely a fashion casualty." said Jessica  
  
"Ugh, doesn't she know that tacky is out this year."  
  
The two girls giggled hysterical at Harmony's 'joke'.  
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes and started to make her way to the library. Even being surrounded by Willow and Xander was better than this.  
  
"Hey Cordy! Where ya goin'?" Cordelia clenched her fists and gritted her teeth. She hated when Harmony called her that. She ignored Harmony's shout and stalked off to the library.  
  
"What's up her butt?!" Harmony exclaimed hotly. She tossed her hair expertly but stopped when she saw that the corridor was deserted except for her and Jessica and one other person at the lockers.  
  
"Watch this." She told Jessica, her 'trainee'  
  
"Hey Osbourne!" she shouted down the hall. Oz turned around to glance at her and then turned around again.  
  
She huffed and stalked over to him. "Daniel, how lovely it is to see you again."  
  
He glared at he angrily. "Harmony" he replied coolly.  
  
"Jeez, you don't look to well. You didn't take pot again, did you?" she said sarcastically.  
  
He ignored her.  
  
He slammed the locker shut and just walked away.  
  
"See ya later, *Danny*" she screeched after him. Then she added, "give my regards to your mum."  
  
Oz hesitated and turned to look at her. his eyes were wide with horror and pain.  
  
Oz slammed the library door shut behind him. Everyone in the room turned their heads to look at him. He threw his bag on the table and retreated to the stacks.  
  
Giles looked after him worriedly, "Oz, are you all right?  
  
There was no answer. Buffy and Willow exchanged glances. Buffy stood up and went to investigate. He was digging through one of the shelves. He pulled out a book and sat down on the floor.  
  
"Oz" she said softly.  
  
He looked up at her. "I just want to be alone for a while." She nodded and went back to the others.  
  
Cordelia walked in with an armful of snacks. She tipped them onto the table and grimaced.  
  
"That is the last time I'm doing that. The janitor must have thought I was a total pig."  
  
She saw Buffy emerging from the stacks, "God Buffy, you weren't actually reading, were you?!"  
  
"I was just checking if Oz was all right."  
  
"Oz? Is he okay?"  
  
"He said he wants to be left alone but he doesn't look so well." She looked at everyone and then at Cordelia.  
  
"What's wrong with him?"  
  
Cordelia's eyes widened, "There's nothing wrong with him!"  
  
She went up to the shelves, ignoring Buffy's protests.  
  
"Oz?"  
  
"Leave me alone Cordelia."  
  
She eyed him carefully. "You wanna tell me what's wrong?"  
  
"No"  
  
She bit her lip.  
  
He looked up. "I ran into Harmony." He explained.  
  
Cordelia clenched her fists again. "What did she say?"  
  
"Not much"  
  
Everyone else had joined them by now.  
  
"What did she say?" Cordelia repeated.  
  
He sighed. He looked up at her sadly and then at the ground. "She called me Danny."  
  
Cordelia's expression changed. "That bitch" she fumed. She studied Oz again. "She said something else didn't she."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"What?"  
  
"it was nothing." He responded. He looked down at the floor again and went back to his book. Cordelia lifted up the front of the book.  
  
Her face fell. "Oh"  
  
"Just leave me alone, Cor" he whispered. He was choking on his words.  
  
She nodded and started to get up. Then she stopped and placed a hesitant hand on his forehead. He shrunk back.  
  
"You don't look well and you've got a temperature." She told him. "You should go home."  
  
He watched her suspiciously. "I'm fine."  
  
"Come on. I'll drive you home."  
  
"I said I'm fine. I don't want to go home."  
  
Cordelia took a step back. "Oh" she said softly. "Sorry"  
  
Oz looked at them all. "I thought I said I wanted to be alone."  
  
Everyone went back to the table.  
  
Oz went back to his book.  
+ + 


	4. Pain unlimited

I know this chapter is really weird and totally unbelievable but, hey, it's my story. I needed oz to do this so I made him.  
  
So, on with the fic  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 4  
  
~~~~~~  
  
"Cordelia!"  
  
Cordelia jumped and looked up to the worried look of her parents.  
  
"Sorry" she murmured.  
  
Her mother put her hand over Cordelia's. "Are you all right, honey? You've been awfully quiet tonight."  
  
Cordelia nodded, "I'm fine"  
  
She played with her food for a few minutes, her mind clearly elsewhere. She looked up at her father.  
  
"Um, Daddy? I'm not very hungry. Can I go to bed?"  
  
He watched her worriedly for a minute, "I thought you were going out tonight."  
  
"I'm just a bit tired." He nodded. She ran over to his side of the table and kissed him on the cheek. Then she ran up to her room. Her parents exchanged glances.  
  
* * *  
  
Oz collapsed on the couch as soon as he got home. He was feeling strange. The pills hadn't kicked in yet and he was feeling lonely. His father was on a business trip and would be returning the next day, not that that was any comfort. His father tended to ignore his existence.  
  
Oz turned on the TV, glad for the distraction. His head was pounding and he was feeling weak. He desperately tried to concentrate on the movie on the screen but he couldn't. The alarm in his watch went off. He grabbed the container of pills from his backpack and retrieved a glass of water from the kitchen.  
  
He choked down the water, feeling worse than ever. He hadn't remembered the pills tasting that bad. After a few minutes, he gave up and went to bed.  
  
* * *  
  
The next day, Friday, Oz had to drag himself to school, feeling worse than he ever could remember. He didn't understand it but ignored the pains in his head and the nausea. Oz was barely ever sick but he knew that Snyder wouldn't believe him and would put him down for truancy.  
  
The thought of going to school and having to face Willow made him feel worse. He was having a hard time trying to keep away from her. He knew that he was still angry with her and the bitterness from her and Xander's betrayal was still strong and he knew that even if he were to get back with her, it was the wrong time. He couldn't handle it now.  
  
He managed to just about get through the day, with Cordelia shooting worried glances at him and half the school either avoiding him or being overly nice. He knew that it would be like this for a few weeks but he didn't mind. He was used to it.  
  
He stayed in the library after school.  
  
Angel, Faith and Buffy left at seven to patrol. Willow sat at the computer, searching for forgotten prophesies. Xander and Cordelia sat at opposite sides of the library, reading big, heavy, dusty books filled with gruesome monsters. He was reading one of these books as well.  
  
He put his hand to his head as another wave of nausea hit him. When he looked up, Cordelia was standing over him with his pills and a bottle of water. He grabbed them from her and swallowed them in one gulp. He went back to his reading and Cordelia went back to the table.  
  
He read for about a half hour until his vision went fuzzy. He was sweating and his head was pounding. His hands were shaking beyond control and he felt faint. He dimly wondered if he was going to be sick. He stood up shakily and tried to make his way over to the door but the pain exploded in his head.  
  
He fell to the ground and put his hands to his head. He could dimly hear someone asking him if he was okay but he didn't know who. He tried to answer but his head got worse. He was shaking violently by now and he couldn't breathe.  
  
His breath were coming in gasps. He was choking. He just wanted it to stop. He cried out to whoever was there. The pain didn't go away. A wild thought suddenly came to his mind. His throat was clogged or choked or something. He needed a hole to breathe with. He reached and searched around him and by some dumb luck, found a dagger on the table. He picked it up. He could see someone talking to him. A shrill voice. It was getting louder, more urgent.  
  
God. The pain. It was getting worse. He was seeing things now, things he wanted to forget. He just wanted the pain to stop. He looked at the dagger and with shaking hands, drew it across his wrist, over the old scar. The blood seeped through. He didn't feel anything. He did the same to his other wrist. There was more voices now. More and more voices, all loud. He dropped the dagger to the floor and looked at his hands. There was blood all over them.  
  
He still couldn't breathe.  
  
It was then that some part of him realised what he had just done. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. oh God. He could hear arguing. He heard a voice in the background. Someone was talking to him.  
  
"Oz, we have to bring you to the hospital. The ambulance will be here soon. It's all right."  
  
Hospital. No. No. nonononono. He looked up, his vision still foggy. Then he couldn't feel much at all. He heard more people. The hospital people.  
  
He was being pulled up. He was begging now. Pleading that someone would help him. Someone grabbed his hand. He didn't know who it was. He summoned up the last of his energy. Cordy. She squeezed his hand and smiled. He heard himself saying something. He felt the last of his energy drain.  
  
* * *  
  
Cordelia looked up to see Oz stumbling towards her. he was deathly pale and holding his head. He let out a shout and crumbled to the floor. Xander and Willow ran over and Giles and Wesley ran out of Giles' office. Cordelia crouched down to him.  
  
"Oz? Oz, look at me." She repeated his name over and over again. He was shaking violently and was breathing hard. He seemed to be choking. He let out a shout.  
  
Buffy, Angel and Faith were there now. They tried to help.  
  
His eyes suddenly seemed to light up and he scrambled to the table. He searched around with his hands until he found a dagger that Faith had thrown in when she came in.  
  
He stared at the dagger for a minute and Cordelia knew what he was going to do. "He's delusional." Angel told them.  
  
She grabbed him and started to beg to him. She was crying now. As if in a trance, his breath coming in gasps, his hands shaking, he slid the dagger off his wrist. The blood dribbled down. He cut his other wrist. She dissolved into tears, her sobs wracking her body.  
  
Oz's eyes widened. He dropped the dagger as if it were on fire and started at his hands. The blood had spread.  
  
"Oh God." He whispered. "Oh God. Oh God." He said it over and over again. His face lost more colour. Giles was on the phone now, calling for an ambulance. She stepped over to him.  
  
"Don't."  
  
He blinked. "What?"  
  
"Don't call the ambulance. Don't. please."  
  
He looked at her in amazement. "Cordelia. He could die. He's obviously very ill."  
  
She tried to grab the phone off him but Buffy stopped her. "Cor, he's sick. Why not?"  
  
When she spoke, her voice was unrecognisable with all the tears. "He hates hospitals"  
  
Buffy led her gently back to Oz. "He needs help, Cordelia."  
  
Too upset to argue, Cordelia nodded weakly.  
  
Giles went over to Oz.  
  
"Oz, we have to bring you to the hospital. The ambulance will be here soon. It's okay."  
  
Oz looked at him like a child. "Hospital?" he whispered, fearfully.  
  
"No. No. No nononono." He was shaking his head. She noticed the tears trailing down his face.  
  
The ambulance was there in less than five minutes. They took one look at him and started to patch him up enough so that he could travel. He was still looking at his hands. Cordelia volunteered to go with him in the ambulance.  
  
She slipped her hand into his, ignoring the blood and the temporary bandage. He looked at their hands and then at her.  
  
"Cordy?" She smiled as best she could and squeezed his hand gently. He grimaced with the pain and then looked up at her again.  
  
He said something that chilled her to the bone.  
  
"Call my mom. Tell her I'll be okay." He told her. He choked down a sob and nodded. He didn't seem to notice what he had said. Then he lost conscience .  
  
The paramedics put him on a stretcher and wheeled him out. In the ambulance, she was questioned about Oz. She answered as best she could.  
  
"His full name?"  
  
"Daniel Osbourne"  
  
"Age?"  
  
"Eighteen."  
  
"Address?"  
  
"1354 Oakdale drive."  
  
"Has he taken anything? Drugs? Alcohol?"  
  
She shook her head. "He's on medication though."  
  
"Do you know what it's called?"  
  
She shook her head sheepishly. "I can't pronounce it."  
  
She reached into Oz's pocket and pulled out the container. The lady looked at it in confusion. "That wouldn't cause the symptoms he described. How long has he been on them?"  
  
"He's put on them every year. this year, he started yesterday."  
  
"Mm-hmm. And you say that he took two of these right before he."  
  
She nodded. "But, he collapsed because of a headache two days ago, before he was on them."  
  
The woman took all this down, nodding her head. "Has he any allergies? Did he eat anything?"  
  
"No"  
  
The woman looked up. "Has anything like this ever happened before?" Cordelia bit her lip. The woman leaned forward and patter her hand. "We get this sort of thing quite a lot, dear. He won't be judged for it"  
  
Cordelia took a breath. "Three years ago. We had a fight and stopped being friends and it was his mom's anniversary and he took a drug overdose and slit his wrists."  
  
The woman smiled encouragingly. "And you're his girlfriend?"  
  
She shook her head. "We were best friends at one point. From when we were little until we were fifteen."  
  
"And you name?"  
  
"Cordelia Chase."  
  
"Well Cordelia, don't worry. He should be okay. We'll look over his files, run some tests, find out what's wrong, and he'll be out soon."  
  
Cordelia nodded. "He's scared of hospitals." She whispered. "The last time was a couple of weeks ago. I fell down and I was impaled by a spike. He couldn't come in to the hospital. The last time he was there before was when his girlfriend was in a coma, and before that, when he cut himself and before that when his mom died. He hates hospitals."  
  
The woman paused. "Could you tell me what happened to his mom?"  
  
Cordelia was crying again. She was stumbling on her words as she spoke.  
  
"We don't know. They never figured it out. She just started to deteriorate."  
  
The woman nodded. The ambulance stopped. The doors opened. The woman led Cordelia to the waiting room. "We'll tell you what we know as soon as we figure it out." she promised.  
  
Cordelia nodded.  
  
"Will you be okay?"  
  
"My friends are on their way."  
  
The woman nodded. "Don't worry, dear. He'll be okay."  
  
Cordelia smiled softly. "Thanks."  
  
"Anytime. Now, I better skidaddle. People to pick up."  
  
She smiled at Cordelia softly and left, leaving Cordelia alone.  
  
She curled up in a ball and cried softly. 


	5. Remembering

Wow!!! I've been so busy lately. I'm not really motivated with this story so if you enjoy it plz let me know and I'll update it again. Don't worry, this is nowhere near the end. You don't think I'd let Oz off that easy would you??? ::grins evilly::  
Chapter 5  
Buffy, Willow, Xander, Giles, Faith and Angel all rushed through the hospital doors. They caught sight of Cordelia and rushed over.  
  
"Are you okay?" Buffy asked, concerned.  
  
Cordelia nodded, her mind elsewhere.  
  
"Do they know what's wrong yet? Is he gonna be okay?" Cordelia craned her head to look at Willow, who was crying quietly.  
  
"They don't know what's wrong yet."  
  
She turned her gaze back to the wall. "Oh God" she whispered.  
  
She spoke to them, her eyes never leaving the wall. "I keep remembering the last time. It's like a loop."  
  
Xander sat down beside her. "He'll be fine, Cor." She buried her face in his neck, sobbing softly.  
  
\*Flashback*/  
  
Cordelia stood at the door, nervously. She had bitten her nails down completely and was now biting her lip. She resisted the urge to bolt when the door slowly opened but, to her surprise, it was Daniel's Uncle Ken.  
  
"Well!" he exclaimed. "If it isn't little Cordy Chase." He grinned at her. "How you doin' little lady."  
  
His humour lifted her spirits slightly. He let her in and she saw his Aunt Maureen and father.  
  
"Maureen! You're pregnant!" the woman grinned.  
  
"Did Daniel not tell you?"  
  
She shook her head. "We haven't been getting on too well. We're not friends anymore." She said soberly.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Um, well, you see, I made fun of him in front of the whole school. I called him these really horrible things and now he won't talk to me and it's been months and I really miss him and I want to talk to him and is he here?" she blurted out.  
  
Maureen indicated to the stairs. "He came home about a half hour ago."  
  
"He looked kind of strange. He said he wasn't feeling well. Went to bed. He's probably still awake." She added  
  
Cordelia smiled her thanks and headed up the stairs. She paused as she reached the top of the stairs. Daniel's room was to the left, at the end of the hall. She trailed her hand off the floral wallpaper and dragged her feet off the dark blue carpet. The carpet didn't match the colour scheme at all but had been put in all the rooms because of Daniel's and her likeliness to spill something.  
  
She smiled as she remembered bits of their childhood but had to hold back the tears that had threatened to overwhelm her. She had become increasingly worried about Daniel since the 'incident' two months ago in school--where she had called him all those horrible things and nearly made him cry. He had become quiet and his school marks had dropped dramatically. He had quit the school orchestra and only spoke when he was spoken to. The worst part was, she had heard that he was hanging out with Devon's crowd. Now, Cordy loved Devon to bits but he had a habit of getting into trouble and being caught drinking and smoking. The whole school had started to taunt Daniel since Cordelia had made her rise from social outcast to a member of Harmony's gang. She hadn't meant what she had said to him and desperately wanted to tell him that.  
  
She reached the end of the corridor and faced his door. It was slightly ajar and she couldn't help but be nervous as she pushed open the door. She gasped in shock at what she saw.  
  
Daniel Osbourne, her best friend since kindergarten, was lying, unconscious in a pool of blood. His face was white and there gashes on his wrists. There was a razor in his hand. Cordelia did the only thing she could do. She screamed at the top of her lungs.  
  
Daniel's uncle Ken was the first to reach her. he ran up the stairs as fast as he could and his mouth dropped open when he saw his nephew. Maureen was next. She took one look at Daniel and sank into a dead faint. Ken rushed to help her and Cordelia grabbed the phone beside his bed. She called 911 as fast as she could and the rest was just a blur.  
  
She could just about remember letting the paramedics in and riding in the ambulance and sitting in the waiting room for hours on end. She remembered Ken trying to force her to eat something. She remembered the doctor coming out to tell her that he would be okay. But, she did remember walking into the room, seeing him lying there, his eyes boring holes in the wall.  
  
She had collapsed in tears, telling him how sorry she was, how she hadn't meant it, how much she loved him. He had just looked blankly at her. when she had tried to take his hand, he had jerked it away and turned away. She tried so hard to talk to him. Eventually, he had turned to look at her, and said in a monotonous voice:  
  
"I just wanted it all to end. All the pain and hurt. You said it would get better, you promised it would get better, but it didn't. it got harder and I just wanted it all to go away. And, I don't care what you say, Cor, I really don't anymore 'cos as far as I'm concerned, I don't know you. You've changed. You're bitchy and horrible and I hate you!"  
  
She had flinched and pulled back. She remembered leaving the hospital, just walking out, ignoring her parents and Ken and Maureen and everyone. She ran as fast as she could and fell to the ground in the park. She remembered sitting there for hours, crying as hard as she could, until her parents came and found her and brought her home.  
*End Flashback*  
  
"Cordelia" said a soft voice. Cordelia looked up quickly. She was still in Xander's arms. There was a doctor in front of her. She lifted her head off Xander's chest and straightened up.  
  
"Is he okay?" she whispered.  
  
The doctor smiled. "He'll be fine."  
  
"What was wrong with him?"  
  
"It was the medication. There was a mix-up and he got the wrong stuff. It caused him to hallucinate and feel sick. It would have killed him."  
  
Cordelia let out a sigh of relief. "Can I see him?"  
  
"Hmm, I guess so. Be quick though. He's asleep. I can only allow two of you to go in."  
  
Cordelia smiled her thanks. She turned to everyone. "Willow, come on."  
  
Willow looked scared. "I d-don't know if he'll want me there."  
  
"It's okay. He's asleep anyway."  
  
Willow followed her and the doctor to his room.  
  
Cordelia had to choke down another wave of tears. Willow didn't even bother to try and prevent them.  
  
Oz was pale white and there were tubes everywhere. His wrists were bandaged up. He was asleep.  
  
Cordelia took one hand and Willow took the other. They sat there for awhile, in silence, quietly wondering what was going to happen when he woke up. 


	6. Talking about nothing

My God, I am soo sorry for not reviewing for, like, ever! I just didn't have the motivation or the time! But, then I read my reviews this morning and I realised how much people like this story so I wrote this chapter really quickly (a sort of filler chapter really) and I'll have a really long chapter up next weekend if I get enough reviews.  
  
P.S This chapter hasn't even been red over well so I'm sorry if it sucks.  
  
I really want to thank all my reviewers. You rock. I also want to answer some questions that have been asked.  
  
Question: Why did Harmony call Oz Danny?"  
  
Answer: Oz's real name is Daniel Osbourne and I think that when he was younger he was probable called Daniel, Danny or Dan by his friends and family. Harmony said it because his mother always called him that and it was a way of hurting him and reminding him of his dead mother and his old life.  
  
Question: Will this fic be W/O and X/C or C/O?  
  
Answer: It'll be W/O and X/C with an obvious C/O friendship.  
  
If you want to ask me anything about this fic please tell me in your review!!  
  
And now on with the fic!  
  
Chapter six: Talking  
  
Well Mr. Osbourne, it seems we've all had quite a scare." The doctor said, looking at Oz as if he was a five year old with a paper cut. Oz barely restrained from rolling his eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry you nearly killed me." He said sarcastically.  
  
Dr. Marlow tutted. "Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, what are we going to do with you?"  
  
"Let me out?"  
  
She laughed. Oz winced. "No, no, no. Your friends told me you were feeling unwell before this. Collapsing and such. Well just have to take some tests to see exactly you've been doing in your spare time, wont we, hmm?"  
  
"I'm not on drugs."  
  
"Mmhmm" She said vaguely, jotting something down on his record. "That's what you said the last time."  
  
"No I didn't. I said I didn't take ecstasy. And how stupid would I be to take anything again."  
  
She flipped back the pages of his record and clipped them to his bed. "Well just see, won't we? Oh, hello!"  
  
"Hi!" Cordelia said vaguely, bustling past her. "Oz!" She exclaimed, sitting beside him. "How are you? When are they letting you out? Are you feeling okay? Where are you going to stay? Is your dad away? I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up but I saw Willow and she said you guys made it up! Is it true? Oz? Oz!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Wake up! Answer me!"  
  
"I'm awake, just.slow down, kay? Once question at a time."  
  
"How. Are. You?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
She looked at him expectantly. He sighed.  
  
"They're doing some more tests, to make sure I didn't take anything. Tired. Aunt Maureen and Uncle Ken. Yes, business strip. Yes."  
  
Cordelia squealed. Oz blinked. "You're back together."  
  
"Yes! Stop making a big deal!"  
  
She quietened down. "Sorry."  
  
A nurse bustled in. "Here you are Mr.Daniel" she smiled broadly and handed him a plastic cup.  
  
Oz pulled himself out of the bed. "Sorry Cor, I have to go pee in a cup."  
  
Cordelia wrinkled her nose. "Ew!"  
  
Dr. Marlow returned when Oz was gone. "Oh, Cornelia!"  
  
"Cordelia! D.E.L.I.A "  
  
"Right Cornelia dear, why don't we have a look at your bandages while your here."  
  
"Can I get them off now?"  
  
"Oh no! Not yet."  
  
She unwound the bandages and dot to work bandaging her up tightly.  
  
"Dear, dear, dear, young kids today! What are we going to do with you hmm?"  
  
She tweaked Cordelia's nose and left, taking the cup from Oz as he came back.  
  
"God, would someone please fire her!" Cordelia said, massaging her nose.  
  
"Scary." Oz agreed.  
  
"Why does she keep repeating everything three times? It's like, hello, heard you the first time!"  
  
She realised that her sweater was pulled up and yanked it down, blushing furiously.  
  
"It looks better." Oz noted.  
  
Cordelia wrapped her arms around her stomach. "I'll never be able to wear a bikini again. I'm gonna have a huge ugly scar for my whole life,"  
  
"It could be worse" Oz sympathised.  
  
"How?" she pouted.  
  
"You could be a werewolf with bags under you eyes who everyone thinks is a junkie."  
  
Cordelia smiled thinly. "You do look pretty crappy."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
She pushed him playfully. "Don't be sarcastic with me, buster!"  
  
Oz smiled and got into bed. He yawned hugely and his eyes started to droop.  
  
"They got up pumped full of medication, huh."  
  
"Mmm"  
  
"I'll see you later."  
  
"Mmm"  
  
As she was leaving, Cordelia paused at the door and said softly. "I missed you, Dan." She walked out the door and down the hall, missing the quiet whisper the echoed through the small room.  
  
"Missed you too, Cor." 


	7. Bonding Time

****

As promised- A long (er) chapter! 

Chapter 8- Bonding time.

The cemetery was quieter than normal- especially in Sunnydale, but Oz didn't care. He had a stake and a cross in his coat pocket and really didn't want to be around anyone at the moment. He had been discharged from the hospital the week before but today was the first day that he had had the energy to go for a walk, and the energy to shake off his friends. He only had to turn around and there was someone there, enquiring on his well being. If he were honest, it was driving him insane.

He had reconciled with Willow a day after he regained consciousness but they had yet to discuss anything that had happened, though Oz knew that Willow was dying of curiosity. She had refrained from saying anything because she knew that it was very hard for Oz, and it had obviously hit her hard. She was also being very quiet and still upset over the whole Xander incident, which she didn't believe Oz had really gotten over (which he had). 

His father hadn't returned from his business trip in Europe so Oz was staying with his Aunt and Uncle, who where deeply shaken by the whole incident. Jordy didn't understand, but he had picked up on the fact that his favourite (and only) cousin was 'feeling a bit under the weather' and had taken to asking Oz if he was going to die anytime soon, which didn't exactly help with cheering Oz, or his Aunt Maureen up. His Aunt petted on him like he was a baby and had taken to calling him on his cell phone every time she went out to do some grocery shopping, or drop Jordy to school or reluctantly attending her book club. His Uncle Ken was a bit better. He didn't coddle Oz, or fuss over him, or ask him that same question every five minutes ("Are you _sure_ you're alright, pet?") but he did take off the lock in the spare room that Oz was staying in because he didn't truly believe that Oz hadn't wanted to kill himself.

Sunnydale was oddly quiet, and Oz had found himself making his way stupidly towards the graveyard. He knew that Buffy was patrolling, but she might be finished for the night, or patrolling somewhere else, or with Angel. 

"Oz!"

On the other hand, maybe she was right behind him.

"Oz!" 

He didn't turn around, but he slowed down enough to let her catch up with him. "Are you sure you're safe out of bed?"

"Buffy," he greeted, through gritted teeth.

"Sorry," she quickly apologised. "So what'cha doin'?"

"Walking," was his only answer. He increased his speed slightly, but Buffy didn't take the hint. 

"Want me to come with?"

He paused slightly. He didn't feel like Buffy chattering at the moment, but he didn't mind her company. Plus, he probably wouldn't die with her there.

"I'll be extra quiet." Her eyes were pleading with him for some company. 

"Sure."

"So where you going?"

He was quiet for a minute, concentrating on not tripping over a broken tombstone. He stopped walking suddenly and stood facing a tombstone.

"Here," he whispered.

The headstone was a creamy white colour, with ornate gold writing etched into the surface.

*~ Sarah Osborne ~*

__

1956-1993

Beloved Mother, Wife and Friend

Taken too soon, she will remain in our hearts forever.

Oz produced a single red rose from his pocket and laid it in front of the headstone. 

"Is that your mother?" 

"Yes."

She was silent. "I'm sorry."

Many people would have said, "You didn't kill her, did you?" and forced a sarcastic laugh, but Oz didn't. "Thanks."

They stood there for a while, in perfect statuesque silence, before Buffy patted his shoulder gently, and sauntered off. She patrolled the perimeter until Oz was ready to leave, and walked him home. 

Buffy had never been a quiet person. She had always been attention seeking, and loud, and spoilt. But while walking with Oz, she had no desire to crack a joke or offer some pathetic attempt at sympathy.

No doubt he had heard it before. 

Instead, she was happy to walk in a comfortable silence. Oz's mind was obviously somewhere else and Buffy thought it best not to disturb him. She had already seen his hands, which were stuffed in his pockets, and knew that they would take a long time to heal, especially as the full moon was not for a while.

They walked through the graveyard and Oz stopped at a house on Sycamore Drive. Buffy was immediately curious because she knew for a fact that his Uncle's house was on Blossom Lane. 

"I have to get some stuff." Oz's voice startled her.

"Oh…."

"I live here."

"Really? Oh."

Oz smiled slightly and made his way up the driveway. "You can go if you want. My relatives live only a block away."

"Oh. You sure? 'Cause I don't mind waiting…"

"I'm sure. Go visit Angel or something. Willow said you have a Chem. test tomorrow so…"

"We have a Chem. test? Damn! See you later Oz!"

She was gone before Oz had time to blink. He turned around, opened the door and stepped inside. The house was quiet. Completely still. It managed to freak Oz out successfully until he had located the light switch. 

The Hall was clean enough; the plants were dying but Oz didn't really care. The same could be said for the pile of mail on the carpet. The tap still leaked in the kitchen- something his father had never gotten around to fixing- and the familiar pile of dishes in the sink and decaying pizza on the breakfast counter provided an odd sense of security for Oz.

He trudged up the stairs and straight away made his way into his own bedroom. The bed was unmade, and his guitar lay propped against it. He itched to play it but his wrists were still bandaged. He gathered a few pairs of decently clean clothes from his wardrobe, a toothbrush and razor from the bathroom and sat down on the bed to take a rest. He stood up quickly again, his mind concentrating on a new task. Positioning his body, he grabbed onto a set of drawers against the wall and attempted to pull them towards him. Failing this, he moved around to the other side and pushed the drawers towards the other wall. It took him over ten minutes to successfully slide the chest over to the desired spot and when he was done he had to sit down again in order to catch his breath.

The carpet had been cleaned and cleaned after his 'accident' with a razor blade but the only way to be able to keep the carpet was to move the drawers to that area. Now that the chest of drawers was gone he could easily see the dark stain on the cream coloured carpet. He stared at it a long time, before he sighed softly and stood up. There was no point in dwelling on the past.

He was able to find a frozen pizza in the freezer and watched TV while eating. He called his Aunt and told her he'd be home in a couple of hours and contented himself by watching an old video of "Casablanca" he found in the bookshelf. It wasn't long before he fell asleep.

*** 

The door opening was what first caused Oz to stir a few hours later. The second was the sound of whispers and the third was the light that assaulted his eyes. None of these succeeded in waking him unfortunately and the only thing that did was a strangled shout of surprise. He jumped up, disorientated and confused. "Dad?" he croaked.

The man put his hand to his heart and took a deep breath. "My God, Daniel! Don't frighten me like that!" 

Oz just stared at him bleary-eyed. "I'm sorry for falling asleep," he said, with a hint of sarcasm.

His father, not understanding his laconic nature waved the apology off with a "Just don't do it again." 

It was then that Oz noticed the woman behind him. She was very beautiful, with long dark hair pulled into a bun and a thin, curvy body. A pair of dark-framed glasses were perched on her nose and she was wearing a navy suit. 

"Hello," she said pleasantly, with a hint of confusion. 

"Hey," was Oz's only response.

She turned to Oz's father. "I didn't know you had a son," she whispered, a bit too loudly. He laughed nervously.

"Didn't I tell you? I'm sure I told you. Why did you think we were here?"

"You told me-."

"I must have forgotten, what with the panicking and all!"

"Panicking? There was panicking?" Oz was intrigued. He had never assumed managing a tyre company to be one of the most exciting jobs, even if it was surprisingly profitable.

He didn't notice the look on Jack Osborne's face until he had begun to talk.

"Panicked? Of course I panicked! How would you feel if you were about to close a one million dollar deal when your secretary rushes in and announces that your son has tried to kill himself?!"

"Did you get the deal?"

"No!"

"Maybe you should sue the hospital," he suggested weakly.

"Maybe I should sue you!"

"I don't think that'd get you much. Y'know, apart from a bad rep. from the other guys in the inflatable rubber business," he said calmly.

Jack closed his eyes briefly. "Let's talk about this in the kitchen. Samantha, would you like something to drink?"

"No thanks, I think I'll wait here while you do the father-son bonding thing."

Jack snorted and followed Oz to the kitchen.

Oz was surprised when his father offered to make the tea, and even washed the cups, but his temporary calmness didn't last long. They sat in a tense silence for a long time, which was okay for Oz because he was happy trying to figure out how that brown stain on the kitchen wall had come to be.

"Why did you do it?" 

His father's voice broke him out of his reverie. He sounded tired and weary. 

"I've done everything I could for you. I bought you the stuff you need. I go to every PTA meeting; even the one's this year, when you should be in college. I accept your loud rock music every night because I want to let you express your creativity. Why did you do it?"

"I didn't."

"Daniel!"

"I didn't do it, okay. Maybe if you called the hospital before attacking me and saw that it was their mistake then we wouldn't be doing this pathetic excuse for a conversation!" He was getting angry now, and thoroughly sick of the whole mess.

"I did call the hospital, and I know you didn't cut yourself on purpose, but they said you've been taking something again and I wont take-."

"They said they _think_ I took something, which I didn't. I only took what they force me to take every year!"

"Don't lie to me Daniel! I will not tolerate lying in my house!" He stopped talking and sighed loudly. The next voice he took on was in a much different tone from the angry tone he had just been using-Disgust. "What would your mother say if she knew?" 

That was too much for Oz. Shouting was one thing but bringing his dead Mom into it was another. "I don't know Dad, maybe it's because she's dead!"

He stood up quickly, upsetting the mug of tea. He was visibly shaking with anger. "I wonder what Mom would think if she knew that you were bringing women home."

"She's just a work colleague."

Oz stared at him. "I always wondered how you managed to make so much money out of such a crap company," he stated. "How many of your bosses or their wives did you have to sleep with to become President?"

His father stood up as quickly and violently as he had. "Go to your room!" he spat.

Oz just left the room. "I'm staying with Uncle Ken. I don't think I can stomach the sound of you two getting it on right now."

The woman in question was still in the living room, watching the end of "Casablanca." When she saw Oz enter she jumped to her feet and extended her hand to him. "I didn't think we had a chance to properly meet. I'm Samantha. I've just been employed by your father."

"Oz."

"Pardon?"

"My name. Oz."

He shook her hand suspiciously. Her hair had somehow become undone from its fancy bun and cascaded over her shoulders in waves. Oz had to admit she was very beautiful.

"Oh! I thought you were talking about Australia for a minute!" She beamed at him. "I guess I'm tired."

Oz nodded in understanding. His father entered the room, running his hands through his greying hair. "Oh, are you still here?" he asked Oz, clearly surprised to see the two of them talking politely. 

"I'm leaving now," he said, picking up his sports bag of clothes and shouldering it. As he unlocked the door, he heard Samantha ask, "So do you keep any of your products here, like in the garage or anything as sort of a reminder of the early days or something?" 

She was clearly embarrassed and trying to make conversation.

Jack looked confused.

"Oh don't worry," Oz told her. "He keeps all his rubber in his bedroom." 

And with that he exited, leaving a very angry father and a young secretary stifling a laugh. 


End file.
